Officially Unofficial: The Armorial Achievement now has an officially unofficial armorial achievement, commonly referred to as a “coat-of-arms”—you can read about the all tedious distinctions and exact terminology for yourself  here if you are so inclined.

Why “officially unofficial?”  Because, as noble as is, it has not petitioned, nor will it likely ever be granted, a patent from either the College of Arms of England or the Court of the Lord Lyon in Scotland. In these countries flashing the achievement may put you at risk of getting the equivalent of a parking ticket from the heraldry police. Fair warning.

Never mind. We’re Americans—or at least three-quarters of the Junta are—and are therefore free to append any image, tagline, motto, brandmark or what-have-you to our website that we choose.

Regardless of the legal niceties, the achievement, designed by redoubtable contributor, heraldry buff, sartorial entrepreneur and style blogger, Bill Thompson, follows all the rules pertinent to the art and science of heraldry. The blazon, the written description that is the heart of any armorial achievement, reads as follows:

Gules, a coney Ermine saltant, an otter Ermines rampant contourné victualled Or, a chief wavy of the last guttèe du vin, a gillyflower Vert. Crest, an antique Eastern crown, a peacock close Proper. Mantled the first and Argent. Motto: “Chaque homme un roi.”

Within all this seemingly Harry Potter-esque lingo resides sound reasoning for each charge. The coney, or bunny rabbit, is sometimes a prankster but otherwise lives a quiet and peaceable life, while the otter is dining out (“victualled”) and living life to the fullest. Both are tinctured in luxuriant fur—ermine, once reserved only for royalty. The wavy partition connotes flânerie, while the chief, or field above, is  “scattered with drops of claret.” The “gillyflower vert” is as close an approximation of Oscar Wilde’s green carnation as the ancient rules of heraldry will allow. The peacock peeking out of the crown speaks for itself. What could be more dandiacal?

The motto, chaque homme un roi, roughly translates to “every man a king,” and harkens back to the life of Beau Brummell. (In case you’re worried, faithful myrmidons, our new motto may be chaque homme un roi but our venerable tagline remains “insufferably bored since 1802.”)

It occurs to us that our coney, our otter and our peacock will want names of their own. Have any ideas? Leave them in the comments. If we choose one or more of your names we’ll send you a armorial achievement-themed keepsake.


In recognition of Mr. Thompson’s exemplary service to, the Junta is pleased to announce his elevation from faithful myrmidon to the august position of Minister of Protocol and Pursuivant of Arms, with all the rights and privileges thereunto.

And that’s official.

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17 Responses to “Officially Unofficial: The Armorial Achievement”

  1. RKM Says:

    As for the bunny, he’s really a symbol of promiscuity, as our friends at Playboy have been well aware these many decades.

    As for a name, he might be christened Bunny Rogers.

  2. Michael Says:

    How about Hef?

  3. Annie Says:

    I had a lover, whom I am still friends with. I nicked named him “Funny Bunny” and I will give this name to your rabbit, because it fits the bill(s).

  4. RKM Says:

    I had thought of Hef as well. Why not? A tribute, so to speak….

  5. Nick Willard Says:

    The otter should be called Eric Stratton because, well, Eric Stratton is Otter.

  6. RKM Says:

    I had thought….”and Jerry Mathers as The Otter”, but nobody under 55 would get the joke.

  7. Michael Says:

    Names from our Facebook and other friends who have contacted us include:


    – Well the peacock must obviously be named “Disraeli”. (Because when once asked about peacocks, novelist and occasional British prime minister Benjamin Disraeli drawled: “What is a terrace without them?”) — Eileen Hoyt


    – The bunny should be officially known as “Lagos” but never, ever referred to as anything other than “dinner.” – Eileen Hoyt

    Thus far we are partial to Disraeli for the peacock and Bunny Roger for the coney, as Roger was a famed dandiacal character of the past ( We are still open to more suggestions.

  8. Pablo Says:

    I’m loving this. I say we name the Otter Oscar and the Bunny Byron, along with name the peacock Charlie (after Baudelaire).

  9. Phil Says:

    This is completely ridiculous and demodè.

  10. RKM Says:

    “Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.”

    Oscar Wilde

  11. Bill Thompson Says:

    Heraldry, sir, is never démodé. Ridiculous, perhaps only for those who do not appreciate history. Unnecessary certainly. Ostentatious absolutely. But what is the life of the dandy if not steeped in the ostentatious and unnecessary?

  12. Michael Says:

    I think Phil needs to lighten up.

  13. RKM Says:

    Who cares about picking names for our frends on the coat of arms! I’m changing my name to Roger Demode! Has a certain ring to it….like Roger Debris in The Producers.

    Oh dear…..I see you’re staring at my dress….

  14. Kelvin Gregory Says:

    As for the peacock, I propose Lady Brandon:

    “There, of course, I stumbled against Lady Brandon. ‘You are not going to run away so soon, Mr. Hallward?’ she screamed out. You know her curiously shrill voice?”
    “Yes; she is a peacock in everything but beauty,” said Lord Henry, pulling the daisy to bits with his long, nervous fingers.

    From _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ by Oscar Wilde

  15. POUYA Says:

    Congrats for the Coat of Arms…….about the names,I have to agree with Pablo………”One Must Either Be A Work Of Art,Or Wear A Work Of Art” Oscar Wilde……………..

  16. Heraldic coney | Hideimage Says:

    […] Officially Unofficial: The Armorial Achievement […]

  17. Max Says:

    “Never mind. We’re Americans—or at least three-quarters of the Junta are—and are therefore free to append any image, tagline, motto, brandmark or what-have-you to our website that we choose.”

    You mean the country that is biggest source of brand nazism in the world where even DNA is patented and you have to put ‘TM’ when you use a certain string of letters from a Roman alphabet which has been around for 2 and half millenia before Amercia even existed. Yeah, really free!

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